The Dying Pen

One of my favourite things in the world is using up a pen. That moment when the last echo of ink glides along the surface of the paper, a spark of excitement lights me up from the inside. And then, if that weren’t enough, the all-encompassing feeling of satisfaction that comes from throwing that pen into the garbage is the ecstatic cherry on top of the closure cake.

But…you know where I’m going with this, right? I’m going to ask, “Why?”

Why is that experience so satisfying? Why is it, dare I say, “joy”-inducing?! For me, it originates in vows of poverty I took repeatedly long (and sometimes not so long) ago.

How do I Know that one of my favourite things comes from a vow of poverty I made outside of this life? Well, I regularly examine the motive behind the motive of the actions I take, the decisions I make, and the thoughts I fuel. I absolutely don’t do this every day but when I pay close enough attention to See an opportunity for greater clarity, I go for it.

These vows of poverty aren’t vows I just took. They are also infused in my generational DNA and the DNA of the lineages to which I contribute. So, all that to say that releasing the frequencies of poverty from my Signature Energy Pattern is a huge opportunity for me.

For anyone who takes a vow of poverty, it is sacrilegious to waste. You become programmed to squeeze the last drop of life out of every item you own. From a waste and recycling perspective, this is considered ethical and even admirable behaviour. However, it is also part of the bedrock of scarcity.

In an extreme state of scarcity, focus is placed on the belief that there is not enough for everyone. In this extreme state, the fact that everything is energy is forgotten. As a result, one must horde what they have, certainly not share (for that would be the equivalent of squandering limited resources with others when there isn’t enough for you to begin with). One must also steal at every opportunity, not because of the desire to be a criminal but rather in order to show the squanderer that they are more worthy of the poorly protected acquisition.

Believing that there is not enough for everyone quickly leads to placing your focus out of the present moment and onto fuelling a state of desperation to acquire more. If you’re saying to yourself that that sounds extreme and although you may slip into scarcity on occasion, you wouldn’t call yourself desperate, Look again. Not all of you — not every aspect — may be resonating at the level of desperation but a part of you very likely is. And when that happens — when that phenomenon occurs within you — a part of the whole is in misalignment with your True nature as Spirit.

When a part of a whole is misaligned, it knocks everything — every part — out of harmony. Take the image of a hot air balloon, for example. The balloon needs to be filled uniformly with hot air for it to rise and soar in the boundless, infinite sky. If there is a cement block attached to one seam in the inner lining of the balloon, the weight of this excess “baggage” prevents it from filling and thus, from soaring.

So although I may experience “joy” or excitement when finishing a pen, that isn’t a response from the limitless, boundless nature of my True Self as Spirit. It is a reaction (charged with emotional turbulence) prompted by a limiting or constraining state of scarcity brought on by a vow of poverty. (That is the situation is my case, but only by examining your individual dynamics can you come to the realization of what represents cement blocks in your reality.)

The solution is manifold but it can be summarized in two steps: stating a command sequence and then changing your behaviour. A command sequence (like the example below) represents a new decision that stops you from repeating looping cycles of disempowerment. The behaviour change produces a synaptic rewiring and chemical recalibration of the physical vessel to support a greater degree of Action done in awareness.

Once spoken from the I of the Am at the frequency and length calibrated to support your release, you take a ceremonial step into Your Sovereignty. You may choose to speak this command sequence never. You may choose to speak it once. You may choose to incorporate it into your weekly Sacred Discipline, or you may choose to speak it multiple times every day until you feel you are finished and the process of release is complete. Exercise discernment.

When it comes to action, notice when the tendency to squeeze the final drop of life out of something comes over you (if this is something to which you relate). In the noticing, you begin to discharge the frequencies of misalignment within that experience. The lower this charge, the more equipped you are to See the forces controlling you in that experience. In this position of greater empowerment, you can choose differently.

For example:

• Perhaps you have a pyjama you’ve always wanted to wear but you’ve been holding off until your current pyjama dies. Consider wearing the new one tonight.
• Perhaps you have a collection of purses you’ve never used because your old battered purse is still hanging on by a stubborn thread. Consider transferring all of its contents (all of the contents that you want to take into your next experience) into a new purse and letting the old one go.
• Perhaps you intended to eat some almost mouldy leftovers for dinner tonight so as not to waste food. Consider throwing them away and making yourself a fresh meal in honour of the physical vessel that so admirably supports you in this life and makes your physical experience possible.
• Perhaps you haven’t yet finished the ink in the pen you’re currently using but what you’d really love is to pull out the pen you bought two years ago in Rome and use it for the very first time. Consider pulling out that new pen and leaving your current one to rest. Perhaps the change in pen energy will spark the insight that pushes you over the precipice of your Known once and for all. In deep-diving into your Unknown, you begin to live life more fully than your mind could every imagine.
• Waste something. For example, don’t finish all the food on your plate or donate a sweatshirt that hasn’t yet started looking raggedy. Wasting (ideally without guilt), is a very potent method of purging scarcity from your reality.

Some of you may be infuriated with this post. You may be thinking that I’m saying that reusing and recycling is detrimental to one’s spiritual journey. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Instead, I’m suggesting we all consider taking a Look at the motive behind the motive of our actions. In the Looking, we may well discover self-sabotaging behaviours within ourselves that we hadn’t realized were largely contributing to us be stuck in a life we Know could be much bigger.